Voices of the Black Wind
by Fyre79
Summary: On his birthday, Horohoro reflects on his life and suddenly goes into depression.  When he finally gives up on life, an unlikely person is there to help find himself again.  AU Oneshot.


**Well today is Horohoro's/Trey's birthday and I wanted to write something...and this is what I got. It's an AU one-shot with slight HoroRen hints. This is rated T due to language and attempt at suicide. I'm sorry if that ending sucks or if there are random typos, but I tried my best to make this as good as possible. I could've done better, but I was working late at night on this so...**

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN SHAMAN KING AND SADLY WILL NEVER SHALL. I ALSO DO NOT OWN THE LYRICS IN THE PREFACE TO THE ONE-SHOT. THEY BELONG TO THE SONG "Valentine's Day" BY LINKIN PARK.**

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**Voices of the Black Wind**

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**__****_And the clouds above move closer_**

**____****Looking so dissatisfied**

**____****But**_** the heartless wind kept blowing, blowing**_

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Nobody would even think Horohoro could ever be capable of going into depression. It was more shocking that he was emo on the day of November 27th, his birthday. As any normal teenage boy who was now legally capable of driving, Horo entered school in high spirits. Yet that optimistic attitude was slowly demolished as the day past by. Sure, it was hard to keep track of time in this crazy fast-paced world, but he was expecting at least one little "happy birthday" from his friends. He knew he told them, though, multiple times in fact. Maybe they were secretly planning a surprise party, he thought, but that idea was dismissed when they left after school let out with only a single wave good-bye. The only thing that made it worse was a certain arrogant Chinese boy who just happened to insult the now sixteen year old any chance he got. Usually he'd play along until they were both on the verge of knocking each other into the ground, but Horohoro did not present one comeback at the Tao. However, instead of shrugging it off, he took in every word that came out of his mouth and thought of how true it was. "_Somebody as dull minded as you could never understand how to survive in this world. You're too naïve, and it'll be your downfall one day._" Ren said that to him once, but now he was only realizing how much he had already been through; maybe not as much as him, but Horo had his fair share of suffering.

He lost his parents when he was only seven. His mother committed suicide after his father died in a car accident. It was hard for Horo to remember them now, but it was also hard not to mourn over them sometimes. Their grandparents were too ill to raise them, or they just used it as an excuse because they wanted nothing to do with them. He loved his caretaker, though. In a way, he also lost his sister, Pirika. It was like she wasn't that sweet innocent girl anymore, although it was typical with girls to do. It was sad in a way; ever since she moved to an England Boarding School she had become more distant from her brother and more boy-obsessed than ever. It annoyed the hell out of Horo that she was alone, in a foreign country, with hormone-raging-teenage boys trying to get her in bed. He wished she would move back with him, be with their friends, just like the old days.

The Ainu got fed-up with his apartment and walked out into the bitter world he called home. How long as it been since he moved here anyway? It couldn't have been that long ago, since nobody bothered to remember this day…this horrible day that repeated in his life over and over again. It was all too weird how he suddenly came to detest the day of his birth. Maybe it was because now the words of a certain bastard known as Tao Ren finally sunk into his mind. Maybe what he said was really true; he was a disgrace to human kind and a real idiot. A small breeze brushed against his cheeks, which sent chills down his spine. It really did scare him a little; he always loved the cold weather, but now it made him feel…awkward. Just like the stare he got from Ren every day; that same heartless glare from those fierce gold eyes that could pierce through the darkness of the night. Maybe that's why he acted like such a goth…

A low sigh escaped his lips, in yet it felt like more than just a sigh. It was as if his spirit, everything he lived for, had suddenly evaporated into thin air. His black eyes weren't lit with joy anymore, but simply empty now. He felt like Usui Horokeu never existed at all. All he did feel was a hollow chest, his moving legs, and sheer numbness everywhere else. It was like in a matter of seconds he had somehow transformed into the one person he hated the most…no…he had become nothing more than the depression locked within his heart. Horo had lost himself to the world.

As night settled on him, he realized that he was walking on an old, rusty bridge. He figured it was late because there wasn't a single car passing by him. His eyes glanced below the bridge; the water seemed darker than it should. The waves crushed over the rocks so harshly they were worn down with cuts. He didn't even realize that his movement stopped and a hand lied down on the cold metal railing. He wondered what it would be like to fly; maybe the cold wind on his skin would make this feeling of nothingness fade away with the rest of his thoughts. The adrenaline might give him at least a happy feeling before he is clouded by the darkness. If only…just this one thing to make him feel alive again…

A rough hand pulled his body back down before he could fall. "What the hell are you doing?"

He didn't realize what was going on around him at the moment, but the voice was too familiar to deny. Those black eyes widen when he realized that he was standing on the edge of the rail just seconds ago. Was he really going to commit suicide just then and there? He glanced at the ground, ignoring all thoughts of his so called savior; of all people, why was he the one stopping him?

"Are you going to answer me or stand there like an idiot?" His head snapped up at him. His eyes weren't exactly focusing and they appeared to be in a dream-like state. In a way, he believed that he was already dead to everyone, the world, himself… "Are you listening to me!?"

He glanced at the person thinking it was all too ironic. "...I have all this time…"

Ren just looked at the boy. He seemed so weak and foolish. How did he end up like this? "…what kind of nonsense are you babbling about?"

It took the Chinese boy a moment for the hopeless eyes of the lost soul before him to really sink into him. "It was you…who told me…that I wouldn't survive in this world…and I realized…that I had no reason to live in this world…"

This wasn't him that was talking, Ren realized that. He wasn't acting like himself at all. "…what are you talking about?"

A dark, almost maniacal, chuckle escaped from the broken boy's lips. "It's funny, Tao…you're acting as if you care about me…you acting as if anyone cares…"

"Of course I care-"

"_Liar_!" He spat at the purple-haired boy. "Everyday, Ren, I had to deal with your constant insults! Ever since we've been all you've said to me is 'You're an idiot', 'You pathetic weakling', 'You're too ignorant to the real world'. All your words…I remembered them all and now I see, Ren! I see how ignorant I truly am and how much I don't deserve to live. It's not like I don't have anything to live for as it is…I lost it all!" His angry words were too passionate for Ren to come back at, thus he just stood there and watch him breakdown before his eyes. "…all I wanted from you was your friendship…but I guess I'm not worthy for the great Tao's concern…but…it was because of your words and actions that I finally see the darkness that engulfs my life…I now see…I'm worthless…

"So why save me?"

The moment, this silence causing too much anxiety, seemed to hold at a standstill for what could forever. Ren pressed his lips together, oh how to explain it all. "…I never had anyone…but you're…different. Your happiness…your compassion is something I envy. My insults are not to be taken seriously…but more as an act out of jealousy. You are ignorant, Horohoro, but it's not a bad thing to be ignorant. Indeed, the world is a cold, lonely place, but with the right heart you can make it out alright. You just need to believe in yourself and don't lose control…because if so, you may never find yourself again."

Ren's words confused him greatly. What did he want him to do exactly and how could they connect like this. However, the moment that the two golden eyes and two charcoal eyes met, the world around him was clearer and less horrific. What he was saying was so confusing, but the point came so easily to him. In the end, he knew it was going to be alright.

"Oh yeah," He looked up, but suddenly felt something hanging around his neck. It was a robe of black string, attached was a long crystal that looked like a chip of ice. "…happy birthday baka-Ainu."

The shard sparkled in his black eyes. Horo softly smiled at Ren as he walked away. He couldn't really tell for sure, but he was pretty sure he saw the same expression on his face as well. The wind past by him, but the cool touch felt comforting once again. At the same time, it felt warming as if a new revival had just blessed him. In a way, it has for both the Ainu and Chinese boy. Horo's hand brushed against the crystal, placing it under his shirt, where his heart was beating softly.

"Arigato, Ren."

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**Review please!**


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